Morpheus Coaching

I have set up a number of discussion boards for people to discuss a range of parenting themes. Please join in at http://morpheuscoaching.freeforums.org/ They are new and need you to help others help others, etc, etc.

Freeforums.org operates in conjunction with google ads and the choice of advert is completely outside of my control. I say this because, despite setting my preferences for the advertising topics that are family friendly,  adverts for dating agencies have appeared at the top of my forum. I do hope this causes no offence and I can state categorically that I do not support any of the ads featured. Should this continue I will suspend the forum rather than risk causing offence.

I am hoping to be able to report an amazing success in maybe three months\’ time. Over to you…

This short posting aims to capture what started as an impromptu piece of ‘corridor coaching’ and ended with a pretty impressive ’script’ for use with others. It has proven very useful and I used it twice in one day  last week.

The original conversation was about someone’s discomfort in writing a personal statement about herself in connection with a bid for promotion. She said that she was told as a child ‘not to boast’ and this manifests itself in a number of ways in her adulthood, one of which is a real discomfort in any behaviour she has to do that includes promoting herself or her achievements. We talked around the challenge of such a belief with regard to its effect upon promotions etc and there was little movement – UNTIL – I asked her, out of the blue, “what were you told about telling the truth?” Instantly she replied “I was told to always tell the truth”.  “From the same source” I enquired. “Yes, my father”. came the reply. “So, if you really had achieved these things it would be truthful to say so, in fact it would be less honest NOT to…” I replied. “Hmmmmm, you have a really good point” she said, going very quiet.

We explored the difference between boasting and reporting and the rest was left to her to move on with.

In this part of the mini-series on managing your time I have put together 10 things you can do to help you manage your time more effectively. I have assimilated these over the past 20 years and some if not all may be familiar to you. It’s not knowing about them that makes the difference remember, it is putting them into action.

1. What you can get done in your life depends on how you manage your time – choices, choices, choices. Life is full of opportunity and choice. In order to accomplish things that are important to you, you may need to manage your time with a similar level of importance. Read David Allen’s excellent book “Getting things done”  and catch him on you tube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPSzAz_ZQIA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo7vUdKTlhk. Here’s a link to his website too http://www.davidco.com/what_is_gtd.php
2. Recognise that managing your time poorly is only a habit – and like all habits they can be difficult to change but can be changed nonetheless. Habitual behaviour is about making the same type of decision time after time – doing what you always do gets you exactly that – what you have always got. Habits form over time and therefore can take time to change. Be prepared for you to persevere for a significant period of time before the new, more appropriate behaviours become a more effective habit.
3. Time can be viewed in a number of ways – and often so-called time management remedies relate solely to one way of thinking and working and that is the reason many fail to work. Find and keep the things that work for you. If it doesn’t work try something else. Examples of different views of time include “time is short, use it well”, “time is plentiful if you know how to live it”.  “Time waits for no man” “A stitch in time saves nine”.
4. Access ‘In-time’ moments – In-time moments are the ones where you associate into the experience; they allow you to savour the experience. Immerse yourself in activities to get the best experience. Spend time absorbed in the moment – but have in place mechanisms (alarms etc) to ‘pull you out when necessary. Without in-time moments creativity and innovation would be limited.
5. Access ‘through-time’ moments – Know when to disassociate from an experience – stepping back and viewing your ‘timeline’ out in front of you like a map will help you to see where you need to go and what progress you are making. It is the habit that poor time managers need the most. List-making is one thing, list using however is another – through time means effectively using the lists you make and making the lists you need to use.
6. Take time to re-evaluate your life - every now and again revisit what it is you want out of each aspect of your life (work, family, friendships, finance, health, interests and experiences etc). What has changed? What do you ACTUALLY have to do as the next step for you to move towards each one?
7. Recognise that beliefs and values affect the way you use your time – recognise the limiting beliefs that help you fritter away valuable time – by believing in different things or about things differently you can change your behaviours.
8. The environment you are in can make a difference to the way you react to time – open plan offices might make concentrating more difficult for instance. Working from home for some is liberating, for others distracting. Getting some fresh air each day may be just the adjustment in your environment needed to change your resourcefulness – and therefore your effectiveness using time.
9. The behaviours you adopt are within YOUR control – do you have the capability to assert yourself to protect your time and your priorities? If not this is an excellent place to start – coaching can really help here.
10. Give yourself affirmations every day – you may have a long way to go in order to manage your time effectively. An affirmation is something that helps you to recognise and celebrate a success, whilst also recognising there is still a way to go. This is another useful five-a-day activity.

Welcome to the first of six blog entries directed at the theme of managing your time. Incidentally, I aimed to have this entry out on the 17th January but was thwarted by family illness; not an irony but a matter of prioritisation.

Here’s my personal time management challenge: I have a full time job as a leadership developer within a large university. I am the single dad of a boy not quite 4 and he often has asthma requiring hands-on nursing. I run Morpheus Coaching outside of work hours where I do executive and life coaching  face to face, on the telephone or using electronic technology. I run this blog and design and decorate wedding and birthday cakes. I travel the World during my holidays and am an active photographer (doing some paid work and some for fun) http://www.flickr.com/photos/26816965@N02/page4/.  I am also studying towards an Masters in Coaching Psychology which I will extend to a PhD once completed. I also eat (and cook), exercise (I recently ran in a charity half-marathon), sleep (well), play with my son, watch tv and films, read books, shop and have healthy social life.

In no way am I setting myself up here as a paragon of virtue in the way I manage my time nor am I assuming a Guru’s position; I do however successfully and healthily pack lots into my life and in sharing my strategies hope to give some hints as to the way “I suck eggs!”

The impact for me of managing my time effectively means I enjoy many experiences and in a way that keeps me healthy, successful and fulfilled. Yes, but maybe I am wired in a way that lets me manage time easily? – not so… My natural tendency is to start lots of things and not complete them. Administratively (bills, paperwork, assignments letters, etc) I am naturally disorganised and I can become absorbed in just about anything I wish to. What I am saying here is that being a natural time manager is not part of my identity at all – I am naturally unfocussed, disorganised, impetuous and absorbed in the moment.

What I ACTUALLY do however is completely different to that. I make managing my time a discipline, part of my way of doing things – a set of behaviours I habitually adopt that allows me to do things differently and more effectively. It has become part of the way I behave not necesarily how I am.

I view time in blocks; fitting the most appropriate things into the block of time available – a good metaphor here is it’s like packing my grocery bags at the supermarket check-out – certain items go with certain others, some shapes fit perfectly and some items take almost take up an entire bag. Some need to be protected or they will get squashed out of shape or will get broken. A bag packed well will contain the largest number of items, safely and can be carried to the car without bursting or the handles breaking!

In the next part I will be looking at the ways I manage my time.

I really would like your feedback and contributions here.

Bye for now.