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Powerful influencing using neutral language March 7, 2010

Posted by Vincent in Uncategorized.
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Two neutral language patterns I use often when influencing others are “given that…” and “in order to…”

Using “given that” allows the speaker to bring into the conversation all the driving forces behind the topic. “In order to” helps to engage help and involvement from the other party. Here’s an example from a conversation between two people, one of which is aiming to influence the other to adopt a particular course of action:

“given that you have been looking for an opportunity to develop your management skills I thought this project would offer you exactly that.” “In order for you to be able to do that we would need to free some of your time. Given that, who would you suggest could pick up the XYZ process whilst you concentrated on the project.”
“Given the short time scale before the project starts and in order to let Operations know who our representative is in time, please let me know your thoughts by the end of tomorrow.”

I class this as neutral language because there is no bias in its use (i.e. persuasion). It is powefully influencial however by its use of linked assertive statements.

It works extremely well in ‘difficult’ discussions. Parents can use it with children around 9+ too.

What do you think about these patterns?

Making sense of my feelings… August 5, 2008

Posted by Vincent in Business coaching, Celebrity coaching, Coaching in general, Executive Coaching, Life Coaching, NLP.
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The late David Groves’ ‘Clean Language’ patterns are helping me to explore broad, or vague, terms used by my coachees. Such terms include ‘frustration’, ‘anger’, ‘resentful’, change, etc. known as “Nominalisations” in the NLP Meta-model.

I have taken the clean language pattern syntax as Groves created it as I am still feeling my way using the technique; it follows this syntax:

“and [XXX], and what [XXX] is that [XXX]?” (where xxx= the coachee’s nominalised term)

A recent example from one of my sessions might help.

Alison (name changed) was confronting her {unwanted} emotional response to feeling ‘guilty’ for something her rational mind knew was outside her control. Attempts at articulating it had been unsuccessful and she felt ‘stuck’ trying to explain. I could sense her frustration and asked “and guilty – and what guilty is that guilty?”

I remember feeling really odd as the words left my mouth and expected her to reply along the lines of “what are you on about?”

That she didn’t was one thing, that she looked down, breathed deeply from her abdomen and said quite deliberately, “like I can’t move because my legs are stuck in blocks of concrete” was another – and very surpising response it was.

I ventured on…

“and stuck in concrete, what stuck in concrete is that stuck in concrete that is guilty?”

She kept her gaze down and continued, “like the blocks stop me from being able to move on”

“and not being able to move on, what is that not being able to move on that is set in concrete that is guilty?”

I was really aware of sounding peculiar but her responses seemed to help open up her thoughts

“protection from feeling I have left people I care about behind for my own interests” – followed by an enormous sigh and slight shaking as if about to sob.

“and leaving people, and what leaving people is that leaving people that is not able to move on that is guilty”

Like my father did when I was young – left us because he wanted to further his career!

I am not sure if what I did was pure Grovesian – I do know it was extremely successful then and for all the other times I have used it.


Comments please  –

how do YOU use clean language? how do YOU use clean coaching?

What was YOUR experience of having clean language used with YOU?

NLP Eye-accessing cues May 22, 2008

Posted by Vincent in Assertiveness, Business coaching, Celebrity coaching, Coaching in general, Conflict resolution, Life Coaching, NLP, Team coaching, Uncategorized.
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Here’s a really useful way of explaining the NLP eye accessing cues., couresty of You tube!video

What do you think?